Ironman St. Croix 70.3

after ironman cozumel TM and i threw around the idea of another race. she mentioned st. croix to me. a half iron distance with a steep climb called the "beast". i had heard of the race before, that it was a tough bike course and variable conditions ranging from monsoons to blistering heat. i had a bit of a hiatus after ironman cozumel. it was the crowning jewel of my 2013 race season. one which saw me race 2 ironmans, reach the beach, ragnar trail relay (ultra team), 3 half irons, 2 olympic/international distances and a bunch of scattered short races. for the early half of 2014 i was kinda MIA. i was in a relationship, i started putting weight back on and i simply prioritized anything and everything other than racing. it was probably what i needed. i'm sad i lost the fitness, but i was happy to let it go in search of other good things. on 8/1/14 i sent an e-mail to the cozumel crew. it read:

"i propose a week (or longer) of beautiful waters, beautiful people, amazing food, awesome temperatures, nothing but sun and some tree shade and maybe even strippers (for mike) and definitely dolphins (for chad). 

there is another race in the carribean. ironman st. croix.

good news: it's a 70.3 (half ironman) so we'll be done in 5-7 hours tops.

it's considered the most famous and beautiful half ironman in the world. it's next year, may 6th, 2015 i believe.

if we can get the cozumel crew together i think it would be hard for TM and myself to not sign up and do it.

flights are relatively inexpensive. around 450-650.

just planting the seed. i'm pretty much in if folks go. i just have to be conscious of my vacation time since i want to spend 3 weeks in argentina late 2015.

so here i stand, better yet. here i kneel proposing to all of you. to share another amazing week of laughter and creating of amazing memories!"

it honestly didn't take much. mike responded, yes. chad responded, yes, TM responded, yes. then we had our first casualty. katie was going to be in a wedding the same weekend in mexico. tsk tsk.

it didn't take long (but longer than it should have) but we signed up for the race, booked the flights and eventually found a place to stay.

at first, i was really excited. i looked at the finishing times and though that if i were to put in the training i would be able to compete for a top 3 spot and possibly qualify for 70.3 worlds in austria. thus, i started training early. for once! i started in sept/oct with weekly spin rides at the house. i had friends sherpa their own bikes over and we pedal mashed for an hour and even did some runs afterwards. this lasted 4-5 weeks? then..... between the ending of a relationship and beginning of ice season i kind of fell off the bandwagon. from mid oct/early nov to april i did nothing but ice climb. regardless, i came to this race knowing that i was going to suffer. despite being suited to my style (steep bike with rolling hills between steep climbs, 2 loop run course in the heat, somewhat flat easy swim) i was easily in the worst racing shape of my life. but more on that later. ya'll want to know about st croix!

whilst waiting for our rental car, chad digs out is candy. i'm surprised he has all his teeth. st. croix has a small airport, so small you walk onto the runway to get onto the planes. first time flying in a plane with a propeller as well, kinda fun, kinda freaky. 

headed out to check out christiansted as well as find some grub. nothing was really open so we ate at angry nates, a super touristy place. we were introduced to some decent local hot sauce, but paid like 13 bucks for an omlette. hot damn island prices are high!

the view from our balcony, the dark stuff in the water is sea grass. it was kind cool, once you swim past it you were in crystal clear water. 

after checking out the town and doing some grocery shopping chad and i were wiped. we had been up all night as we took the midnight flight out with a few hours layover in peurto rico (which has one of the shittiest airports ever). we arrived in st croix at 8am and by the time it was 2pm we were zonked. chad kind of passed out on the couch and after some light reading i decided to head upstairs and take a nap. i set my alarm for 5pm. when i woke up i was surprised to see a text from TM saying she was "here". i head downstairs, open the door and see her bike bag and luggage. then i see her. apparently she got in on friday... oops. 

kathy joined later that night and manny and kevin joined saturday afternoon. mike overslept his flight and showed up at night. 

saturday night was last minute prep time. taping gu to my bike, mentally talking myself through the race, trying not to freak out. prior to the race i had swam a total of 25 mins in the pool (and poorly mind you). i had done a few long trainer rides but only 2 outdoor rides totally 110 miles and put in about 30-40 miles of running. essentially, i did jack shit. i was really worried about the swim (per usual). 

race morning came and we got there early. 

kevin drove TM and me to the race and went back for everyone else as they were going to shut off the island to traffic, especially christiansted. it was a typical race morning. i got my shit together but whilst unpacking my bag i realized that i had left my visor at the condo. UGH. i have never raced a tri without my visor. already, the mental shield gets its first ding. 

the swim start was on an island, so we had to swim to it, i decided to follow TM who was taking it really easy. needless to say, i struggled to keep up with her. so before the race even started i'm really worried that i'm not going to finish. 

luckily TM and my friend jay put some positive words in my head and i was able to find some peace prior to the gun going off. when my wave started i checked out my "competition", it felt good to be in an earlier wave. it allows me to judge how well i'm doing. as the gun shot off i started the swim. i actually felt pretty good starting. but about 300 yards in i knew i was in for a long day. i was having trouble sighting and the waves were a bit larger than i had anticipated. i had my first gulp of salt water and began to freak. panic set in. i grabbed my first kayak, then my first bouy, then another kayak. by the time i had finished the first leg (triangle swim) i had chewed up 26 minutes of time. i was seriously worried that i wouldn't finish. i've never had that slow of a swim before. i was on pace to NOT finish the swim. then, something took over. i told myself that i've been in this situation before. i wasn't going to drown, i could go on. i put my head down and just kept going. i didn't care if no one was around me, i didn't care if i was a bit off course. it took me 26 minutes to finish the final 2 legs.  

coming out of the water is always a relief. i was happy to see all my friends there screaming and yelling at me. but i also knew that the hard part is still to come (when generally the swim is the hardest part for me). 

T1 was pretty typical for me. i ate a gu, did a quick stretch and headed out. i was pretty confident TM was a few miles ahead of me. going into this, i told myself i would stick with her and pace her to a good race for as long as i could before i bonked and let her finish strong. here i am yelling at the crowd asking if TM was on the bike already. to my surprise she wasn't out of T1 yet. she was a good 5-10 mins behind me with the wave start and i guess my swim wasn't as bad as i thought it was, haha. 

the bike was challenging. the beast itself wasn't bad. i rode up the whole climb, got out of the saddle 1-2 times just to pick up a little extra momentum but i was really surprised to see the amount of folks walking their bikes. it didn't even feel like anyone tried. after the beast was a fun descent. i was sure to spin down to keep the legs loose. after that i thought i would be in the clear, but i wasn't. to keep it short, i had the hardest bike ride ever. i thought losing my nutrition at challenge AC was bad, this was bad's bigger brother. i recall looking down at my bike computer and seeing 94.8 for temperature. the constant rolling hills, the heat, the lack of real food took a toll on me. by the time i rolled into T2 i was spent. i sat down and gathered myself, and fixed my hair of course ;-). 

but all i had left was 13.1 miles. no big deal. been there, done that hundreds of times. never done it after a hard swim, brutal bike and in intense heat. god, that run SUCKED. especially through the golf course. i've never been so drenched in water, ice in my pants, ice in my butt crack and just not cared. i just kept dumping anything that was cold over me. the funny thing is that once i was cool, i was putting down 7:30min/mi. but once the water evaporated (and it did so very fast) my pace was dropping down to the 9's. eventually after mile 9 i decided to just give in. i started my first walk. it was 60 seconds, then running, next time i pushed it to 90 seconds. then i decided i didn't want to limp around for vacation and shut it down. i started walking for longer periods until mile 12 where i just wanted to finish up and eat a bag of chips and have a can of ginger ale.

here i am, decelerating at the turnaround for lap #2. 

i was happy to finish the race. i've never mentally broken like that. i had fun, most of the time. but there were a few dark moments where i just didn't want to be out there. we all have our dark days when we race. but it's important to know that no matter how bad you have it race day, no matter how much you want to quit, the only thing keeping you from doing so is yourself. 

that and not wanting to disappoint all these amazing people who flew in to cheer you on and support you! 

post race relaxation. a little reading, a little sun bathing, a little swimming. 

sometimes i can't find my shades, so i use my swim goggles to read.  

finding local food is really important to me. this was at harvey's. they had some pretty rocking scotch bonnet hot sauce as well as home made dranks. 

a few days later we finally made it to singh's for some roti! 

i may look like the odd one out, but the truth is that these two were the only two not wearing wetsuits. at 70+ feet down the water temp was around 70-72 degrees. too cold for my blood. 

on our last night we decided to hit up a few tourist spots. we went to see/feed the drunken pigs but by the time we got there, they were closed. thus our journey to find good food. it took us a good 45 minutes but we finally found villa moralles. a small family owned restaurant only open from thu-sat nights serving home style peurto rican and creole cuisines. i got the fried whole snapper. apparently if you want the head on, you have to call ahead! sigh, only if i had know. the place also had awesome mojitos and even more awesome pnia coladas. i think everyone was satisfied with their meals. what was even more impressive was their hospitality. everyone was super nice and the owner, john was a hoot!

photo with the legend himself. 

our last day on the island. we decided that it would be nice to find a nice beach to relax a bit before we had to head back for our flight. we had breakfast at polly's where i picked up breakfast for a homeless man only to have him just leave it on the floor (he was likely high on meth, probably the blue stuff, cus who the hell passes up fresh passion fruit juice and an awesome breakfast sandwich?). after breakfast we made the trek to find a good beach and drove by rainbow beach. the water was clear, the sand was white and the beach was vacant. this was our spot. 

not too shabby.

as i look back and reflect i think that this was the hardest race i have ever done. at least during the race (bike and run especially) i felt like i hated life. but i honestly have not looked back at this trip and think it was difficult. my friends (the one's that don't race at least) have no idea how much of an impact they have on me during race day. from the rides to the race start, to seeing everyone going into T1, then again leaving T2, at the end of a brutal bike ride i'm greeted by folks screaming my name and most importantly at the finish line to greet me. no matter how good or bad i did their words are always so supportive. extra thanks and love to TM. without her, none of this would be possible. i mean seriously, sign up for a race on a tropical island by myself? that's cray cray!

The only workout you need.

These days, people don't just exercise. They spin, crossfit, p90x, insanity, pilox (combo of pilates and boxing), zumba etc etc. Folks label themselves in search of an exercising identity. Part of it is in search of a community that shares the same workout plan as they do and part of it is because they think it's the best workout for whatever reason.

Crossfitters will talk about the community and the intense workouts, climbers will talk about the pump or how burly the route was, spinners will talk about how their heart rate was super high all class. I for one am not afraid to try any form of exercise/activity. I love pushing my body to the limit, I love pushing my mind to the limit. I've dabbled in p90x, insanity, crossfit, various spin studios, yoga, pilates, etc. Short of yoga on a SUP I've probably dabbled in it.

There are only a few forms of exercise where you cannot stop. Once you stop, you are no longer doing it. Running is one of those. Everyone defines running differently. Everyone runs at a different pace and there is a very clear line between running and jogging. A lot of folks are jogger (spoken with a soft J), but for those who have experienced running (sorry if I'm sounding elitist right now), you know the pain and suffering that accompanies it as well as the immense reward you receive by doing it.

For me, running is the ultimate form of exercise. It's the only form of exercise where I cannot take a break. I can speed up and run harder or I can slow down and get down to my slowest running pace which still involves a moderately high level of effort. That's the beauty of running, there is no rest. When you bike, you can coast and rest, when you climb you can hang and shake out, when you lift weights there are always rest periods, when you're canoeing or kayaking the current can assist you or you can coast for longer periods between strokes. There is none of that in running.

Your run workout can also be tuned for your needs. You can run long and flat, you can run hills, you can run intervals. All at the cost of a pair of sneakers, the same sneakers you are likely going to wear to the rock gym, or to crossfit or to yoga.

I went for a run for the first time in 5 months. During that period I had been spinning occasionally, bouldering, rope climbing and doing a ton of ice climbing. All of those activities were inherently difficult for periods of times but there were always periods where I was able to "coast" and reduce my effort. When I went for my first run I had allotted myself 30 minutes. I was expecting to do about 3 miles since it was my first run in so long. With the sun shining down, my noosa tri 7's strapped to my feet, oakley radar paths on my face sitting under my visor I set off and quickly realize I was running a 7 min pace. That 7 min pace didn't feel all that bad considering the first effort was downhill. As the ground leveled off I just absorbed the sun into my skin and went with the stride. I was running, for the first time in 5 months and it felt oh so liberating. By the time I hit davis square I was bout 1.5 miles in, pace now dropping into the 6:30's. I was starting to feel myself tiring, I knew that if I kept that pace I would be hurting. But! I was running and it felt so damn good. Next thing you know I find myself chasing cars up hill, pushing my body and begging my mind to tell my legs to shut up.

It was one of those runs you knew that you were going to pay for the next day. Except I was sore by the time I got home. My calves felt like I had just run a marathon, my quads were on fire and my upper back was tight from pumping my arms so hard to keep the pace at 6:40. That's when it hit me that running was the ultimate workout.

Next time you plateau with your workout, mentally give up on a project route or bouldering problem, next time you feel like you can't lift a certain weight, or hold a certain pose, go on and put on your sneakers. Step out of your comfort zone, go for a run. Push the pace, challenge your mind and your body like you have never before. I promise, you'll come back stronger than you left.

First world problems, the liberal edition.

#firstworldproblems is something that has been trending, at least to me over the past few years. we all use it to mock ourselves or our friends when we are complaining about something that is rather a good problem to have if we were in a less fortunate situation. this is my first time blogging about this but there are a few things that strike me as first world problems that are just annoying as shit.

a friend of mine recently posted this photo on her fb:

it was taken from this facebook group.

first off, i want to make a few points clear.
1) i believe kids these days are graduating with insane amounts of debt.
2) this debt does reduce their ability to live a pampered/fun/spoiled life.
3) i believe that something needs to be done.
4) i vote democrat 95% of the time that i vote.

with that said i can't stand liberal bullshit like this. look bridget (sorry to pick on you, you just happened to be the photo 2 fb friends shared). i finished undergrad with 100k in debt. i then went on to earn my doctorate and by the time i was finished i was over 130k in debt. i've been in the work force for 5 years and i am on track to be student debt free in 2-3 years. why is it that you deserve to have your student loan forgiven? why is it that you can't go to law school with 35k in debt but i was able to go to graduate school with 100k of debt? hell, i made over 50k in college working part time at starbucks and shoveling driveways during the winter which went towards my student loans. bridget happens to have 2 tattoos (from a few fb pics i saw), you know what bridget? i want a tattoo as well, you know why i don't have it? because instead of getting the 1500 dollar tattoo i want i have to pay 1200 a month in student loans, maybe you would have less debt if you allocated your money more wisely. something doesn't add up. perhaps you don't deserve to go to law school because you don't understand the simple concept of hard work? i don't know you, but i can't help but feel this way. this is a privileged first world liberal problem and you and folks who believe this need a wake up call.

you know what my sign would be?
my name is John. I owe 100k in student debt. if i were debt-free i could buy myself a house, travel the world, drive a brand new car and blow money on shit i don't really need but would love to have because it's better than paying student debt that was lent to me to further my education so i could improve my future earning potential and improve my future livelihood. see what i did there?

the reality is that education is not free. if you want education to be free fight for a socialist society (i'm not against a socialist society btw), fight for free education for all, don't fight for loan forgiveness. loan forgiveness is bad for many reasons. for starters people in our society love to take advantage of the system. what incentive do you have to work hard in school and succeed if you know that your loans can be forgiven afterwards? better yet, why should everyone else pay for your education? i guess the true question to be asked is WHY you are getting an education. i know why i got my education. i knew that it would provide me the best opportunity to live the life i want to live. i knew it was not going to be an easy road, i knew it was expensive and i applied for loans in order to do so. i go to private institutions and asked them for money so that i could BUY something (education). now that i/you have bought the item and used it we want the bank/etc to not ask us for the money we owe them. SAY WHAT?!?!?! why not food forgiveness then? stop and shop and whole foods should just give away free food. cus you know, if i didn't have to pay 125 for groceries every week i would be able to afford a BMW.

i went through the facebook page and looked at some people's loans and what they wanted and it made me puke a little on the inside. people wishing they had less student loans so they could buy something for themselves. do people not realize that things in life are earned, not given? do people not realize that YOU SIGNED UP for the student loans and no one forced them on you (ok ok, maybe you had a tiger mom too)?

want to know how to graduate and be able to pay off your student loans? don't get a degree in poop scooping. ya'll know what i'm talking about. we've all had that friend during college that was racking up 20-40k a year in student debt studying something that had the earning potential of a grocery store cashier. you remember asking them what they are going to do after college and they always say "i have no idea, but i like doing this now". why should others be responsible for your student loans? maybe if you went to college for something that had the ability to earn you what you needed to live the life you wanted you wouldn't be stuck in this position. amazonian history isn't working out for you so well anymore is it? i could have told you that when i was 15 years old. way to spend 4 years racking up student debt doing something that didn't improve your ability to earn a living, ding dong. maybe you shouldn't have gone to private school, maybe you should have gone to community college.

don't get me wrong, if anyone should want student loan forgiveness it's me. i would love to have the last 40k of debt just wiped out clean. but it's just not me. i'm proud of everything i have EARNED in my life. that house is going to be that much cozier, that car is going to ride that much nicer, hell even that bag of ramen is going to taste that much better because i paid for it on my own using the education that i worked and paid for.

lets work on educating our youth to better plan their future. lets work on helping them setup a successful financial plan to get through college so they are not strapped with debt. that i will support whole heartily all day everyday. telling our kids to go to college, do whatever the hell they want there and then say no matter what, don't worry about the debt is not the way to go. it just reinforces the notion that you don't have to work for anything, something that is already troubling enough in today's youth given all that they already have.

Do yourself a favor, take your ear buds out!

why do you run? i've been asked that so many times and my answer is pretty much the same. i run because i can. i recently ran a half marathon/marathon with some friends. one of them was a marathon virgin, the other was a half marathon virgin. it was great to share such an event with others. sometimes you have things so good in life you don't even know. 6 of us, running the full or half because we chose to. everyday in different cities all around the world, people are running. some from enemies, some from danger, some from fear, some from themselves. how fortunate we are to run for ourselves and because we chose. to.

i started running in around 2006 when i adopted by dog brewster. i mainly did it because i saw so many other folks running with their dogs that i thought it was what i was supposed to do. my first run ever lasted about 15 minutes. there i was a 22 year old healthy somewhat athletic male and i couldn't run 15 minutes. interesting. each day was another challenge. i started buying clothing that was more suited for runners, i switched from nike to asics because i thought it would make me more of a runner too. somewhere between my shoe switch and clothing purchases i started running with music. i enjoy music and i enjoy running, plus everyone else was running with music so i thought that's how you're supposed to do it. i started with music i liked... that was a bad idea. when you have an eclectic taste in music like i do you should think twice about putting your favorite songs as your playlist. i'm a rythmn runner (didn't know that back then) but i also love music. one minute biggie smalls is on an i'm crushing miles (and by crushing i was probably running a 9 min pace back then), the next minute pink floyd is on and i'm at a slow "yog" at best (had to put a plug in for my news team runners). it wasn't that i dabbled into triathlons that next fall that i ditched the headphones and never looked back.

i had taken a liking into a mentors activities. triathlons. wow, so cool i had thought. most (like 99.99%) of triathlons don't allow media players. it poses as a safety risk for the cyclist and for the runners (especially on longer courses). between that and getting sick of dealing with ear buds etc i just dropped the music from my running less than a year into running. it has been one of the best things for me. nothing has helped improve my running more than ditching the music. perhaps it was my mind doing something that my body already wanted, which is ironic because endurance events/running etc is the body doing what the mind wants.

the key here is the "want" part of the equation. with music you tend to run because you have to. the music assists you in your running. do you really love it? do you really "want" to do it? if so, why do you need the help? i challenge you to challenge your mind. running without music is a beautiful thing. you'd be amazed at what you hear, what you think and what you feel. all of a sudden the way your feet hit the ground gives you that youthful energy, that desire to push that next step at a better cadence, strike the ground the way your body was meant to strike it. people are always talking about living in the moment and running without music is truly one way to do it.

Challenge Atlantic City: The good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between.

about a week after ironman wisconsin in 2013 i decided that i wanted to do a race closer to home so family could come and watch, i was already signed up for cozumel dec of 2013 but family couldn't make it out to mexico (luckily the friends who came are like family to me, holla!). i saw that challenge was coming to the states and i heard a lot of great things about their production so i decided to support their brand in hopes of creating more competition.

i had finished IMWI in 11:49 and then IMCoz in 10:56 (first race was placid in 2011 which was 12:48) and i was pretty stoked about shaving an hour off each time. i signed up for coaching with QT2 systems and i knew it was going to be tough. i've never used coaching, i believed in my own plans and my own training routine but i trusted the suggestions of many friends and signed up. most people sign up for a 25-40 week plan for an ironman, i did a 12 week plan. i knew that's the most i could possibly follow someone else for. i opted to train and prepare on my own beforehand.

i would say the first 1.5 months of training went well. i was focused, didn't miss many workouts at all. but like all iron distance races (i'm going to shorthand and call them ironmans, because well, i think they should all be called ironmans) you really have to put it as a priority. training has always been a priority, mainly because i like to swim bike and run. but it's never a top priority. i had 3 bachelor parties and three weddings (one in jamaica, one in india and one the friday before the race) that were of close friends. wasn't going to miss those for anything. on top of that i had injured my shoulder and really couldn't swim more than 1600 yards without pain. i did what i could swimming right to my pain limit and calling it a day. 

going into this race i wanted to break 10. in other words i wanted to shave another hour off my race time. about 2/3 of the way through training i knew it wasn't a reality. i had gotten sick in india and never felt perfect since returning. it is what it is. my goal was to stay under 12 hours (we had dinner reservations at 7:15pm, which i chose). 

saturday morning i woke up at 6am, luckily not hungover. i had kept myself in check the night before, but apparently beer, scotch and then tequila shots don't sit too well with my body. oh well. i picked my buddy mike and we headed down with cole. i'll spare you details of the drive. it sucked, lots of traffic, getting lost in NYC but finally making our way to AC. 

athlete check in was a BREEZE. nothing like IM checkins. props to their setup. the night was pretty simple. though walking around a smoke filled casino prior to racing was annoying. smoke irritates me, literally. but shit happens. had dinner with my aunt, uncle and 2 cousins. i never thought i would eat chinese food prior to a race, but man. it was a pretty awesome meal. not the best pre race food, but the calories were nice to store.

race morning i woke up at 3:30am and adopted my friend konstantins breakfast. no food, just juice. i purchased 25 dollars worth of naked juices and had 1. i went back to bed, woke up at 4:15 and had another. i carried another and banana with me downstairs. i was going to hail a taxi, but this guy nodded at me and we chatted about the race. him and his wife offered to drive me there as they were on their way. come to find out, his name was john as well. he had DNF'd his first attempt at 140.6 and he was looking for a flat race to give it a wing again. we talked about typical tri stuff and i literally said that if it was not wetsuit legal i would go home. i've been nursing a shoulder injury for about 2 months. i was able to swim 1650m a week before the race without pain so i decided i would give the race a go. literally as i stepped out of johns van i could hear over the intercom that the water temp was over 78 and it was non wetsuit legal. CAC gave the option of wearing your wetsuit but you would start on the final wave at 6:35.

i was bummed when i heard this. i wish i had brought my kiwami swim skin. i don't know what i was thinking. well, i wasn't. i was busy with work, wedding etc. it had been a hectic week. i literally threw stuff in my car and drove down. i switched back and forth between using the wetsuit or not but i let my ego get the best of me. i thought. if i'm going to do this i'm going to do it the right way. i've swum in 79 degree weather with a wetsuit before. it was HOT HOT HOT. my chest felt like it was burning up so with that i opted to go without the suit. there was a good 40 mins of sitting, waiting for the sun to rise and being mentally prepared to endure the long day. as i got into the chute to get in the water i bumped into a fellow qt2 guy who was from boston. nice guy, i think his name was dave. he, like myself thought about the wetsuit. i guess we couldn't bare the embarrassment of the last wave and having everyone see us, haha.

the swim:
i got into the water and the first thing i thought was "no way in hell is this water over 78". the floor was muddy, like if you were going clamming muddy. the water is PITCH black. but oh well i thought to myself, time to start the race. the gun went off and there we went. i felt pretty good, i stayed to the right to avoid much contact and things were pretty smooth to the first buoy. from there it was a 90 deg turn which was perfectly fine, not crowded at all. we turned 90 deg again and headed back to the start. by then the sun was up a decent amount, it was really hard to spot the buoys as the sun was blinding me. i knew this was a problem so i opted with my black mirrored goggles but they were not too much help. i relied on following others. about 1/3 of the way into the swim we swam through a marshy section. i knew the area would be slightly shallow, but i didn't think it was THAT shallow. as i pulled with my R arm something sharp hit my pinky. it hurt so i immediately stopped swimming. when i did this i was able to stand up, i looked at my finger and it was cut open. not bad, just enough to bleed and worry me slightly. luckily i was in india just 2-3 weeks prior to the race and had a booster tetanus shot. from there i cleared my goggles and took few steps forward to move out of the way as another athlete was swimming right at me. BOOM. i stepped on something sharp and it had cut my great toe. i pull my foot up and i see that my toe is cut open, the long way about a 3/4 inch cut. there was nothing i could do and i thought the best option was to carry on with the swim. so that's what i did. 

at this point i started to question everything. the thoughts of failing ran through my head over and over again. you didn't train enough for the swim, your L shoulder is injured, your right pinky stings in the salt, your great toe stings with every kick and there were not nearly the amount of support staff there is on a WTC race. i've seen more support in a half iron WTC than during this race. then i hit my stride. i said shut up and move along. after a few minutes i noticed about 50 or so swimmers swimming towards an orange buoy, which i remembered was the center buoy (part of the Y course). i stopped and looked right and saw swimmers going in two different directions. i adjusted course and rounded the course properly. i noticed there was a current, but i didn't notice how strong it was. for all i know i was slow because i was injured and under trained and not wearing a wetsuit. after rounding the orange buoy i again had no idea where i was going. i just looked for people as there were a few buoys pretty far away and i wasn't exactly sure which one was the one to go to. i rounded the left part of the Y on the course and worked my way back. i had a little bit of trouble figuring out where the exit was in the water, i asked the guy on the board and he said the red buoys. he was wrong. it happens. i got out of the water without help and the first thing i noticed was that it hurt to step on my toe. oh well, ironmans hurt. i ran towards the chute and my buddy mike yells at me. he always finds me at races (except that one time at timberman, where everyone lost me) and got some good photos of me i think. i then heard my aunt and cousins yell for me. i figured i swam a 2+ hour swim (i honestly thought 2:20) so i ran back i high fived them and chatted a bit. rinsed off and headed towards T1. 

bike course:

getting my bike was a cinch and i was off. the bike course felt fast. riding on the turnpike was nice. i was really exciting to finish the bike as i thought it was going to be an insanely fast course. now i know why people love IMFL. everything was great, you could tell there were a few clear IM/triathlon noobs. lots of folks were not dropping back properly after being passed which made things a bit annoying. i did the work to pass you, i shouldn't have to go even faster to finish the pass, once my wheel crosses you slow down, i shouldn't have to add more speed when my current speed is already faster than yours. but whatever, that's racing. everything was going well. i had my nutrition dialed in perfect. i was taking in awesome food (raisins and dehydrated bananas ftw!). i got a bit confused about special needs so i stopped the first loop around. i wish i didn't. i wasted a good 5 minutes there. i loaded up on food and took off. unfortunately i reloaded poorly and didn't put any gu/powergel in my rear container which contained the raisins and salt tabs. as i rode i lost most of the food from a few big bumps. luckily i had about 8-900 more calories in my jersey pockets and another 3-4 gu's in the front compartment.

things were going well. i was still averaging in the 21's by the time i hit mile 70. but that's when things fell apart. i had forgotten my race belt so i purchased a TYR belt. it was thicker and sat nigher, as a result it blocked the bottom 1/3 of my tri top pockets. i didn't realized this and since the food was not all the way in i ejected most of it between mile 70-75. by the time i realized, it was too late. i had 3 gu's left for 42 miles. i had 2 water stations but i wasn't able to grab a banana because one of the girls was socializing (happens, they are kids, no big deal) and i didn't get a gatorade for the same reason (again, it happens, i'm glad they are there to help. i could have stopped and grabbed one, not their fault). by the time mile. 90 hit i was starting to hurt on the bike. i did what i could with what i had and the turnpike was brutal for me. i probably averaged 14mph the whole way and was passing people. had i not lost my nutrition i was pretty confident that i would have had my best ironman bike split. 

the last 30 miles was rough for me. it reminded me of cozumel 5 months ago. brutal winds. but with cozumel i had the run fitness to back it up. mentally i just checked out. i thought ok, i'm going to do a 5 hour marathon. do i want to put my body through that? what do i get for it? stroke my ego, get a medal, not get my first DNF. then i thought about the risk of injury and i decided to call it a day. 

t2: going into t2 i knew i was done. i got some water, gatorade and took my final salt tablet. 

run:

i knew i was done and thought i would at least run until i saw my friends. the run was uneventful, after an 8:30 first mile i slowed down to do a 9 min mile. some girl came up to me and started chatting me up. i picked up the pace with her and we did about 8:15 for 3 miles. i felt pretty good but i knew eventually i was going to bonk. at this time i was thinking my friends were definitely on the other side of the course. i knew i was close to the turn around but decided to just call it. my toe was hurting with every step, my body was shutting down i just knew it was time. i turned around and just started walking back. 

i felt defeated, annoyed, hot and just tired. walking is stupid. i hate it and i didn't do any of it my last 2 ironmans. it is what it is. about a mile away from the aid station (i missed the one at the turn around because i didn't go that far) i started to feel very weak. i knew i was really low on sugar and started to have cold sweats. luckily i made it to the station, refueled and kept walking. about a mile away from the finish line i saw my friends. june and elliot were screaming my name. i remember looking at them and thinking. hmm, people call me by those names. but i have no idea who those folks are. it wasn't until elliot got really close did i recognize him and then june. seeing them was pretty awesome. i immediately felt energized, but i knew it was just an emotional high. we exchanged words and we all walked towards the finish. next i saw my aunt and uncle. she was so cute, she was screaming C'mon John! and telling me she would run with me. lol. i told her that i was done and we found mike, sarah and my 2 cousins. we stopped, chatted took some photos and i sent my family home (i didn't they would stay in AC that long, very sweet of them). 

as we walked towards the finish line i couldn't help but notice how many people were in the way of the runners. if you were running anywhere near a sub 9 people were in your way. there is no way in hell you can comfortably run a sub 9 pace with that many people randomly crossing the boardwalk. very interesting/cool run. but def have a good swim and bike if you want to avoid people. i had never DNF'ed before so i wasn't really sure how to do it. i figured if i just walked across the line and told them i was dropping out that would work. as i walk towards the line the announcer was getting excited, people were clapping. they were all expecting me to be excited and run. i did not. i just walked. he kept asking are you done, are you done. i told him yeah, i'm done, i gestured slitting my throat. he then announces "oh, he's done" over the speakerphone. probably not the best thing to do buddy. i'm not hurt, i don't care. but i feel terrible for anyone else you did that to.

after DNF'ing i went to grab my bag, get changed then i went back inside to grab some food. i talked to a guy who did decently well and he and a few others were complaining about the current. i can never tell with traithletes if they are serious. are they just saying the current was rough to make themselves feel more badass? idk. i just had a shit day, not sure if it was the current or what. i am a shitty swimmer however. i was hoping to get some good food as i was zonked. but the food was terrible. i looked at it over and over and over and didn't want to eat any of it. i grabbed the fruit salad and 2 bags of utz chips. the food really was TERRIBLE. no one wants that stuff post ironman.

afterwards, i headed back to the hotel, got showered and went out to dinner with my friends. it was the best part of my day. we had amazing food (thank you sarah for the restaurant choice!) some good drinks and mike and i finished the night just chilling in the hotel and resting up for the long drive back.

i went into this race thinking i would give it my all and get great results. i learned a valuable lesson. commitment (more than 10 weeks) are required to do well in an iroman. i also have a newly found confidence in my swim and i now understand what it is like to "lose your nutriton" and the feeling of a DNF. most important, i learned a lot about myself. i didn't let my ego get the best of me, i didn't let what i thought others would think of me to dictate my actions and i am extremely happy with what i had done and will return one day (if they fix a few things) to finish the race i started.

thank you to my incredible auntie yung, her husband uncle kenny, my two amazing cousins, tiffany and emily for making the trip down. it's always awesome having family there. i hope i was able to set a good example to the kid cousins. thank you mike for your constant support. always the first to help my carry my gear to the course, pick up my bike while i'm racing and telling me how it is (calling me out for quitting could have waited a day or two though). thank you june, elliot and sarah for making the (short! ha ha) trip from phili. well, actually. thank you elliot for coming and driving the girls with you. the truth is, sarah and june came for the dinner, i'm not stupid. i've known you two for too long. thank you to my amazing roommate julia who helps care for my boy brewster so i can do all the things that i do. you have no idea how much you do for me and i don't think i could ever repay that. thank you chad for helping julia out, thank you olga for helping julia out, thank you trish for helping out where you were able to. lastly, thank you to my girlfriend yvonne. it's been a difficult start to our relationship, lots of late night get togethers (wink wink, hint hint. oh ok, lets be real, i'm usually too sleepy after a long workout), lots of getting woken up early because i need to pack my gear, lots of waiting until nighttime to do stuff, lots of me smelling like chlorine, and sweat, and dried up gu and eating overly healthy shit and all the other jazz that come with training. no one should have to live through dating a triathlete (even one that trains as little as i do), but i guess we survived, barely. the triathlon bug just doesn't go away. it's not a sport, it's a way of life. one that pushes you to challenge the way you do everything. one that makes you a better person in every way. 

Don't be a barnacle.

Last year my friend Brad sent me a link to an article by John Gardner. It was a powerful article about self/personal renewal. It's a long read, but well worth it if you have the time I suggest it. Of the many things said in the article there is one thing that really stood out to me.

Don't be a barnacle. As the story is told, a barnacle "is confronted with an existential decision about where it's going to live. Once it decides.. . it spends the rest of its life with its head cemented to a rock.."  
- What does this mean exactly? Do you know of anyone living the life of a barnacle, if so are you doing anything about it? I know so many people who I feel are "barnacles". Though one can argue that there are barnacles that are more fortunate than others. Some make the right choice and plant on a beautiful coral reef and enjoy everything life can offer. Others plant themselves on the bottom of a trash rig. I guess the point is that you shouldn't be a barnacle because you always want to and should have the option to better your life/self. Which brings me to the question, am I a barnacle? I struggle with this from time to time. I was born in Mass, raised in Mass, went to college and grad school in Mass and now live in Mass while working. I've always wanted to move, sometimes to San Diego, sometimes to Seattle but I never go. I used to have a strong desire to leave but now my desires have shifted to traveling the world. I feel that at any given moment I'm going to quit my job and travel the world for a few years. I wish this was sustainable in terms of income (and paying student/car debt) but it isn't. That's my biggest obstacle. I do wonder if my lack of desire to leave the northeast is because I have made my choice (awww, shit). But the more I think of it, the more I am ok with my choice. Seems like I landed on the great barrier reef. Not too shabby if you ask me.

Whelps, thanks for reading my rambles. Just shit talk at the end of a long workday. It's probably not very reader friendly. I think I fell asleep twice writing this. Now time to go home and bust out a 2 hour workout. Hooray? Since when do barnacles workout?

Living in the moment or being irresponsible?

I know it's been a while since my last update but I've kinda been busy with stuff. You know, the stuff that makes an awesome person awesome. Like traveling, being outdoors, living the dream. At least that's what I tell myself.

For starters I had an amazing year in 2013. I pretty much spent every penny I made. I met tons of great folks, went away with close and new friends, lived at the edge of my means (but still within my means). I told myself that in 2014 I would buckle down, commit to saving for a down payment for my first piece of property and start living a bit more responsibly.

Here I am, 3 weeks into the 3rd month of 2014 and I have already been to Jamaica for a wedding, purchased a new car (which I have already put 5k miles on in under 6 weeks), gone ice climbing all but 2 weekends (ice climbing = eating out), heading to vegas in 3 weeks, booked trips to India for 11 days and Hong Kong for 11 days (in march and august respectively) and still have to book a hotel for an iron distance triathlon in Atlantic City in the end of June.

I find it hard to believe that I am "living in the moment" considering most of these trips are in the future. But that lead me to think. What is the "moment". There are folks that spontaneously agree to go on trips. I guess I am one of those, but I always leave enough room to plan for it. I wouldn't pick up and go tomorrow (maybe I would if I didn't have patients that I actually do care about), that would be irresponsible right?

Right or wrong, responsible or not I believe one should not be afraid to challenge themselves and travel outside of their means or comfort zones. I learned this from a dear friend who traveled the world for a year. I could buckle down, buy a starter home which will set me up for a real home for when I have a family or I can back those plans up a year and experience the world and perhaps have a better understanding of myself and gain a new perspective on life. I've never met a person that impressed me with things they've owned, folks who have impressed me in life are ones who share the most amazing stories about their lives and experiences. Live the life you respect and admire!

I'll be sure to post a few blogs about Jamaica and my awesome season of ice!